Anne Rice "Breaks Up" With Human Race

Anne Rice is calling it quits with the human species, after "giving it her best" for 69 years.

In a series of thirty-seven consecutive Tweets, Rice laid out her major disappointments with humanity. "I didn't realize going in - that is, as an infant - how much negativity and bickering and stupidity there would be. Also, there's the traffic and people cutting in line at the bank... my waiter at breakfast this morning was very inattentive and rolled his eyes when I pointed out that my biscotti was stale. He didn't think I saw, but I did. In the name of Humanity, I refuse to be lumped in with these disgusting humans. I'm quitting humanity as of today, right after my pedicure."

Rice was born a human, but in college began her first mental boycott  of the species, after a particularly disappointing blind date. She considered herself philosophically a Banana Slug for 38 years, but stopped short of actually declaring as an invertebrate.

Discussing her decision on the Intellectual Network, she was asked by Philosophy Today host Joy Behar if there was a species she might now consider her home. "I've heard from so many lovely creatures saying things like 'Hey, we toads don't show up late for appointments, come join us', or ' Lemurs understand where you're coming from'... but I think right now", and here she throws up her hands, "I just want to withdraw from the whole thing, from making a commitment to any species... or even genus. Truthfully, I find the whole animal kingdom kind of gross.".

Rice is working on a new book based on her experience, which should be in most homo sapiens bookstores in time for Christmas.

(Lovingly cross-posted at Old World Swine, for double your blogging pleasure)

Comments

[Paul S.]

"...my biscotti was stale."

LOL!

[John Kasaian]

Brilliant bit o' satire there, Tim.
You made my morning! Thanks!

[Greg]

Fantastic read. I wish her all the luck in the world in the plant kingdom