Old World Swine

Solar Wind at Fifty Year Low -

Science News online states that the solar wind (the stream of charged particles blown from the sun) is at a fifty year low.

Current polls show that most Americans blame Congress more than President Bush, and that Barack Obama carries a slight edge over John McCain among likely voters on the question "Who do you trust more to handle the decline in Solar Wind?".

"Time is short and doing nothing is not an option," said GOP presidential candidate John McCain.

Obama, speaking to the same audience by satellite later in the morning, agreed that it was imperative to act now in a bipartisan manner.

"Now is the time to come together, Democrats and Republicans, in the spirit of cooperation on behalf of the American people," he said.

Neither candidate put forward a preparedness plan for a Large Meteor Event or Giant Gamma Ray Burst, which some scientists worry may be overlooked in the media focus on the Solar Wind issue.

Campaign Update!

McCain, Obama Camps Embarrassed, Scrambling

Both organizations are racing to make new vice-presidential picks after it was discovered late last night that they were both about to name the same running mate. "This is worse than when Laura Bush and three other ladies wore the same Oscar de La Renta gown to a White House function" said an anonymous inside source, "The public generally expects the presidential candidates to have different running mates."

The individual at the center of the controversy won't now be named, and both campaigns are trying to move quickly past the faux pas, while taking measures to make sure it doesn't happen again. "We really need more communication on that level" said a campaign staffer, "though the individual should have said something to alert us weeks ago. They thought it was pretty funny, but the joke was almost on the American people.".

"We've been working hard to show the public all the important differences between our candidate and his opponent, and this kind of thing doesn't make it any easier.".

This Changes Everything!

Rabbi discovers that God is androgynous! So instead of this hackneyed old conception of God...

...we now have this far superior image...

Does This Come With Some Kind of Certificate?

Fox news reports that a Rhode Island man was arrested with a blood alcohol level of .491, the highest recorded in the state "for someone who wasn't dead".

According to the article;

The legal limit in Rhode Island is 0.08. A level of 0.30 is classified as stupor, 0.4 is comatose and 0.5 is considered fatal, according to the health department.

Now, see what you can accomplish if you stick with it?

Clever April Fool's Gag

Funny, in its way, though irritating like most.