Below is the text of my most recent (and last) e-mail to a guy who has been trying to run a scam on me. Fun as it had been, it was time to draw things to a close. I spotted the fraud right away, but others (apparently) did not.
"Dear Mr. Morris White -
I'm afraid I have been deceiving you, though I never actually lied. I never did deposit the check you sent. It, and the envelope in which it came have been handed over to the, as well as all your e-mail correspondence and my phone records.
Let me say sincerely that this is the clumsiest scam I have ever personally seen or heard of. Disappointingly inelegant. Tired of running the old frauds, are we? Bored with recently deceased relatives having left you millions of dollars in foreign banks, begging to send their money to the U.S.?
1) You live in the state of Washington, but you're presently inon your honeymoon. Okay.
2) None the less, you are in a hurry to buy a painting from me (not my best work, either). What kind of honeymoon is that? You're surfing the internet, looking for art?
3) Though offered the chance to negotiate the price of the painting, you decline. Wow! You're so wealthy that you don't even look at the price tag! Or you're just feeling generous, no doubt overflowing with wedded bliss.
4) You send me a check from, courtesy of "a client", you say (I know when I'm away on trips, I always ask my customers to take care of personal matters for me while I'm gone, preferably by writing checks for things I want to buy).
5) The check is signed by someone who's name has never come up in any of our correspondence (and speaking of names, it might help the deception if you were more careful to spell your own name correctly).
6) The check is for an amount seemingly unrelated to the price of the painting, and though endorsed with a man's name, is signed with the big, loopy script typical of a high school girl (or drop out).
7) In your last e-mail, you request that I send a money gram for the difference to yet another person, this time in. This is getting more confusing than the tax code.
8) You are so anxious to get the painting, that you are going to take care of all the shipping arrangements yourself, and send a courier to pick up the artwork. I don't have to do a thing!... except send off this money gram, for some inexplicable reason.
Not to mention the copious misspellings, the bad grammar, the stiff attempts at sociability ("Thnaks for the prompt reply and how are you and how is the family and i really appreciate your interest in selling" the painting)... the whole thing stunk like last week's lutefisk.
In short, you should look into another line of work. Or should I say, simply another line. Work would be a good idea.
I don't know if you believe in Hell... I'm guessing not. There are people every day who offend God by numberless acts of selfishness and pride, but many are unaware of how selfish they really are. They are so self-absorbed that they are unconcerned (or perhaps no longer able) to see how their behavior effects others.
You have no such excuse. Your actions are evil, and you know this.
You should be ashamed of yourself."